Whispers of the Night: An Exploration of Mysterious Encounters
No one knows what the taste of struggle might look like when you go to a party you are invited to. You go in your best attire and elegance, only to be forgotten as if you were a transparent person, a gelatinous being. They play with you, wanting you to be a decoration or a model to showcase the finest jewelry. They write on you "do not touch". This is my situation at parties, forbidden to touch, forbidden to interact, forbidden to be approached to greet or start a conversation.
They stand at a distance whispering, their eyes directed towards me as if I were a precious gem or an artistic painting in a museum. This is not a self-centered feeling, nor is it a glorification of my existence or the fascination that every woman possesses. It is a feeling that arises in a moment, an unexpected moment that invades my thoughts, overwhelming my mind that is already overwhelmed with our less thoughts and worries.
We think it is a state of exploration, but I do not know what we are searching for or what they are searching for either. It is as if we are searching for our lost selves within a maze called entertainment and self-amusement.
There is no harm in getting to know new faces or seeing familiar faces that may not appreciate your presence, but you are obligated to be with them in one place. No matter where you turn, you see them in front of you, consuming large amounts of oxygen, making you suffocate, yearning for a face that brings you peace the moment you see it.
So, you wander around the corners of the place, searching and contemplating, hoping to find something or someone who resembles with you, maybe the music or an outfit that catches your attention, or a conversation you overhear, wishing you could join them out of curiosity or to add something different to what has been mentioned. But you are different from them, and even if they give you the space and listen to what you have to say, it will be out of politeness, and they will have very little positive emotions towards you. In another perspective of the same event, maybe you go to a party or a gathering for a specific occasion, hoping to find yourself or to define yourself in the faces you encounter. It is nothing but a coincidence that connects you with someone you think is similar to you, not in appearance but in thoughts. Assuming that the opportunity for dialogue is available to you in the place where you are or where you find yourself for the experience and exploration, especially if it is your first experience in years towards places you have always seen in dreams or perhaps in movies, but never in reality. Well, reality has come suddenly and without warning.
Does that passion still want you to continue searching to explore what your presence can reveal, or was the beginning motivated enough for you to withdraw quietly without anyone noticing? No one at all? And the question remains between you and yourself about your transparent soul or your dominant physical interaction that became a burden on those who know you and those who don't, for reasons that perhaps you are unaware of in yourself, while they seem to have known you for years or even decades. What a feeling! It doesn't give you the answers you are looking for with certainty and clarity. Instead, it puts you in a state of doubt, confusion, and anxiety. You ask yourself about your presence, whether it pleased them or not. Were you influential enough, or did their eyes enjoy looking at you, or were you not that fascinating to them? These are many questions I ask myself every time I leave my house and step into the unknown that awaits me beyond the boundaries of home, the garden, and the street. And what about the surprises that may happen to us during any ordinary day that we did not anticipate? What if it's a party filled with fun and different conversations, while you are filled with anticipation, caution, and a strong desire to merge with what you see? But the distance between you and them is inevitable, and even if you speak and interact, it feels like the boundaries are drawn in a way that prevents you from having access to every place, space, or community easily or adapting to them.
It's like walking with the current and resisting the same current when you discover that it is a whirlwind that wants to ignite in you at any moment, with or without your consent. I see that the same situation repeats itself with every individual at that party, with a set of contradictions challenging each other, asking and answering themselves, and then moving on. They forget that night, leaving only photos, smiles, some names, loud music, and different looks staring at you from all directions, some admirably and others completely indifferent. It was a night that brought together all the contradictions and similarities, if any, and it was nothing but a rare event that will also fade into oblivion.
Bedor Alobaidi
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