Emerging From the Crowd

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Emerging from the Crowd 

By: Bedor Alobaidi 


It’s peculiar how this place teems with people... a whirlwind of chaos and myriad details, familiar faces mingling with strangers... there are so many that I’ve lost track of who they are, yet their features linger in my mind, though their names have slipped away. I can’t fathom why this unsettling pattern has repeated itself across various settings and occasions... I’ve often found myself in places and events only to feel a disconnect, as if I inhabit one world while they exist in another. The cacophony draws me in with an unsettling allure, yet it drains me in a strange and sometimes painful way... it eludes my understanding, just as it seems disinterested in comprehending me. 


Detached from the frustration, my spirit wanders, scouting the space in hopes of discovering the person I yearn for.


My wandering heart seeks its twin, yet it remains elusive... and in this moment, I perceive the distinction... countless faces I regarded as ordinary, except for him—the one who stands out as extraordinary in my eyes. Perhaps I see a reflection of my own essence in him, an inexplicable connection that is both comforting and unsettling at times. 

I wonder if this is a plea from my heart, my soul, or a rational voice that resists acknowledging the crowd, reducing them all to a singular figure. 


This simplification brings with it both pleasure and isolation... yet, if I crave solitude, he remains oblivious... or unresponsive... perhaps choosing to distance himself for reasons unknown, for he doesn’t know much about me? To him, my presence might just be a subtle chaos? Yet, I didn’t wish to be that tempestuous spirit who appears with fierce intensity and vanishes even more powerfully... 


I aimed to lighten the load for both him and myself... because through all these experiences, with their intricate moments, I tread carefully... not with my feet, but with a heart that beats for something compelling and beautiful, undeniably impactful, or I wouldn’t be penning these thoughts now... How curious he is, haunting me while claiming not to chase me... infiltrating my thoughts while asserting, “I’m far, how could I nestle in your mind all this time?” I respond in the silence between us, “I don’t know.” You fill my vessel with the essence of your eagerness in formal expressions... while I drift far away in clouds that lead me to a labyrinth of emotions, bringing forth various upheavals and voids at other times. 


These contradictions—the simplicity and complexity—have woven me into a dreamlike existence... it’s a dream, and you embody that dream... you are indeed the vision that speaks to the soul with whispers of patience, wonder, curiosity, empathy, and compassion... the sensitivity that allows you to engage with me and those nearby with remarkable finesse... and yet,

 I have yet to perceive your flaws, save for one: your distance, whether intentional or not... 


Did you sense my presence and retreat? Or did you feel me and simply remain silent? Should there be a reason, or am I merely seeking something to justify for you? How did you breach my defenses and slip through my essence in this manner? It’s a sensation beyond description... intertwined with clarity and transparency that shifts into ambiguity, then fades, vanishes, and returns to the surface of emotions steeped in daydreams and prolonged slumbers of tranquil sleep... juxtaposed with sleeplessness, fatigue, and breathlessness, there’s no escape from thoughts of you, nor from you to me, and no route back to myself... yet, I resolved to reclaim my composure the moment I began to write about you.





Bedor Alobaidi/ Interested to ask me a question? Please go ahead. I will be more than happy to do my best in answering if it's something related to my personal knowledge.

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