Embracing the Unknown: A Journey of Wonder, Belonging, and Freedom
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Embracing the Unknown:
A Journey of Wonder, Belonging, and Freedom
Image- Illustration from Goggle images. Artist unknown.
Embracing the Unknown:
A Journey of Wonder, Belonging, and Freedom
Every time I gaze up at the sky, I am filled with a sense of wonder and excitement. I imagine all sorts of things falling into my lap from above - people, animals, objects, even magical creatures. This imagery brings me joy and keeps me inspired, as if there is a wish waiting to come true from the unknown and unexpected.
In this state of awe, I am always hopeful for something better. Whether it's luck, a spark of love, or a timeless song, I embrace the possibility of experiencing something extraordinary. I am motivated by the desire to rediscover my true self, even though I can't pinpoint where or when I lost it. My journey of self-discovery has been an ongoing quest, constantly questioning and exploring all aspects of my identity.
I have often felt lost and without a clear sense of direction. Society's expectations and the pressure to conform have guided me, but they have not provided the answers I seek. Asking questions has been discouraged, leaving me with a sense of uncertainty and a longing for guidance. Who can I turn to for a sense of direction?
Sometimes, I have vivid dreams filled with pink clouds and radiant light from every direction. But deep down, I know that the answers I seek cannot be found in dreams or visions alone. When I wake up from these dreams, I find myself in a garden, surrounded by a clear sky. The absence of any strong emotions in that moment is both strange and familiar to me. Expressing and understanding my own emotions has always been challenging, and I have considered it normal.
Perhaps my difficulty in feeling and expressing emotions stems from past pain and the subsequent numbness it caused. So, when I encounter happiness and kindness in my daily life, I grasp onto those moments and allow myself to partially connect with them. Looking up at the sky, I feel as though it is raining down on me, cleansing me from some of my burdens and freeing me from worries.
As the days pass, I strive to be fully present in each moment, to truly enjoy it and let go of my thoughts. I aim to shift from a state of nothingness or detachment to one of complete engagement, experiencing the moment through all my senses. It is exhilarating when a moment touches my heart deeply, allowing me to acknowledge and feel my emotions.
Gradually, this process helps me reconnect with myself, even though I still grapple with a sense of not belonging. The hope of finding a place where I truly belong, both externally and within myself, never fades. I have come to understand that feeling is synonymous with freedom. It transcends logic and rationality, and it doesn't require explanations or justifications.
Feelings and love are both expressions of freedom. They defy rules and expectations, existing beyond the realm of reason. In embracing my emotions, I embrace my freedom and allow myself to experience the world in its entirety, unencumbered by the need for answers or explanations.
Bedor Alobaidi
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